Sunday, July 11, 2010

Back to my old self

I wanted to share another picture of Vegas. Someone just emailed it to me. Let me just say I had been drinking for quite a while at this point so I do understand that I look a little scary. At least I am smiling!
Thanks for being patient this last week or so. I can say that I am back to my old self again. I was really struggling this week with my OCD. An obsession comes back every now and then and the only way I can explain it is that it is like a cloud that suddenly comes over you. Sounds corny, I know, but that truly is what it feels like. It is almost like my head gets foggy and I have a hard time differentiating between what is "real" and what is my OCD. An obsession seems so real, that I can't tell if it is true, or my disease talking. My therapist used to teach me to say "it is not me, it's my OCD", but when you are in the middle of a really good obsession those words hold no meaning. Anyway, I prayed that God would just take this from me quickly, and I feel so much better. In some ways my OCD is a blessing. It teaches me to appreciate the times I feel good or normal. I can enjoy the little things so much more. I have also learned that I have to take very good care of myself or my OCD will flare up. First, I have to sleep enough. I also have to eat right. Hormones play a role too. Unfortunately I have been struggling with a balance lately. I have been working out constantly without rest, and I think I have messed up my system a little. I have not had my cycle in almost 6 months and as much as I would love to be menopausal at 30, my Dr. says it is too young. I am trying to add some more healthy fat into my diet and hopefully that will start some estrogen. I am starting to lose my hair, and I am always cold, both signs that my body fat is a little low. It is just hard to have lost weight, only to have to gain some back. I need to learn balance. That should also help my control my OCD.
I will start showing meals and exercise schedules tomorrow. I have actually had a pretty bad day of eats. It started well, but then after eating too much Greek food for lunch (can you say baklava) and then proceeding to eat my weight in pretzels, chips and salsa this afternoon, followed by a funfetti cupcake (or 3) and ice cream, my tummy is pretty upset with me. I was going to take today as a rest day from exercise but after coming home tonight from Jeff's parents I knew I needed to burn off some of the sugar I consumed. I went on a slow and uncomfortable 4 1/2 mile run. Did I say how slow and uncomfortable it was? First off, I don't usually run at 9:00pm so I spent my entire run trying not to trip and fall. Second, my tummy was so full that I almost stopped to get sick in the bushes. I barely kept under a 9min mile and that is slow for me. My long runs are usually an 8:30 or better so it was kind of sad. At least I maybe worked off 1/2 a cupcake. I haven't had a rest day in almost two weeks, but I have been spinning instead of running some days and I think I am hooked. I actually find I get just as good of a workout in a spin class with HIIT work as I do on a long run, plus my legs aren't as achy afterwards. I have also started body pump which at first I didn't like, but now I really enjoy it. I am off to read and then go to bed.

Bring on the new week!

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